The idea of writing a blog is truly petrifying to me. It feels like a rather narcissistic thing to do - to blab about my thoughts and feelings, throw it out into the world, and assume someone wants to listen. It's strange and uncomfortable and I feel fidgety and restless just thinking about it. But I think what's most terrifying is how vulnerable I feel. The world can be a crazy scary place, and people can be MEAN, especially when they have their computer screen to hide behind.
But then, I have to take a step back and breathe for a moment and will myself to stop thinking those thoughts. Because those are all fears associated with what other people will think, what other people will feel or say. What about me? For me, this blog is an opportunity for growth and for self-expression. Writing is something I've always had a knack for. And now that my time as a student has ended, I don't want to stop.
I can’t tell you what I’ll write about because I don’t really know myself. I’m a lover of pop culture, a TV addict, and a frequent moviegoer. I read, but not as often as I used to. Being a graduate student tends to suck all the fun out of it. But I hope to start again soon, and remember what reading for pleasure is like again. So if I post about the latest book I’ve picked up, please congratulate me. I model, which is something that both excites and terrifies me. I’m shy and self-conscious at times. Who isn’t? But I also love to be creative. I love being a blank canvas. I love transforming into someone I am not or something that I would like to be. I love working with other artists – hair and makeup artists, stylists, and photographers. Working as a model is a constant battle between the bitch inside me who says I’m not good enough, and the part of me that loves the work and knows that I can do whatever I set my mind to. I’ll likely share the struggles and the successes with you. I received a Bachelor’s Degree in Sociology and a Master’s Degree in Community Leadership from Westminster College, a small liberal arts school in Salt Lake City. I chose to pursue my degrees because I care about what’s happening in the world and in my community. I’m not saying I’m gonna go all political on your ass every week, but I’ll share what I’m thinking if I feel particularly passionate about something. I listen to music of all kinds. I love to exercise and go to the gym religiously. It’s therapeutic for me. I see it as an opportunity to quiet my mind and let my body take the reigns for a bit. I am a die-hard San Francisco 49ers fan. I’m a total Anglophile – OBSESSED with all things British. And the list of potential topics goes on….
Really, what I plan to write about is my life, what it is, what I want it to be, and how I plan to get there. I can’t say what will inspire me, but I do know that I see little Audreams in my life everyday in a variety of places and things. This is where I plan to keep them. You are who I plan to share them with. This is me taking a giant leap into who knows what. This is me tossing aside the fear for a moment and letting go.
Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman well ahead of her time as my mother likes to say, said that you should do something that scares you each and every day. So here it goes Mrs. Roosevelt. I'm scared shitless.