A Confession and A Promise

I have a confession to make.  As of late, I’ve been kind of terrible at this whole blogging thing.  Obviously, this isn’t a particularly compelling or surprising confession.  Just take a look at my post history and you’ll see that I haven’t felt the need to write something since February.  Oops.  But I just haven’t felt that jolt of inspiration, that insatiable need to put your thoughts on paper, or a canvas, or into 140 characters (I’m talking to you my dear Twitter inclined readers).  And if I haven’t felt it, that burst of creativity and passion, then why force it?  I’m not going to just spew insignificant shit out into the universe because I’ve been told that I should be predictable and consistent.  Because that’s what a good blogger does, right?  While that may work for some (and to them I say, "good on ya!"), that’s just not me.  And I’ve come to realize that that’s okay. 

So in light of this confession, I’m also going to offer up a promise.  I, Amy Arburn, promise to never write something disingenuous or fluffy or meaningless.  I can’t promise that I’m not going to write about something you may find silly. Like last week’s Grey’s Anatomy episode, or my most recent trip to Sephora, or One Direction (I’ll warn you.  It will happen at some point or another.)  But I can guarantee that if I put it here, it will be from the heart.  It will be something that really made me think or feel, laugh or cry, wince or grin.  That’s my promise.  Real stuff only.  No fluff allowed.

I don’t know when you’ll hear from me next.  Perhaps next week, or next month, or maybe even in a few hours?  I can’t be sure.  Because life is unpredictable and busy and jam packed with responsibilities and friendly engagements. If you’re lucky ;)

So, until we meet again then my loves.  In the meantime, keep living and loving and dreaming big Audrey sized dreams. Okay?  Okay.

P.S. That lovely image featured at the start of this post came from a session I recently did with Christian Kerr, a local and SUPER talented portrait photographer.  For more from my session and many others, click here.  You won't regret it!

Much love and thanks for reading.

       

Why Blog?

The idea of writing a blog is truly petrifying to me.  It feels like a rather narcissistic thing to do - to blab about my thoughts and feelings, throw it out into the world, and assume someone wants to listen.  It's strange and uncomfortable and I feel fidgety and restless just thinking about it.  But I think what's most terrifying is how vulnerable I feel. The world can be a crazy scary place, and people can be MEAN, especially when they have their computer screen to hide behind.  

But then, I have to take a step back and breathe for a moment and will myself to stop thinking those thoughts.  Because those are all fears associated with what other people will think, what other people will feel or say.  What about me?  For me, this blog is an opportunity for growth and for self-expression.  Writing is something I've always had a knack for.  And now that my time as a student has ended, I don't want to stop.   

I can’t tell you what I’ll write about because I don’t really know myself.  I’m a lover of pop culture, a TV addict, and a frequent moviegoer.  I read, but not as often as I used to.  Being a graduate student tends to suck all the fun out of it.  But I hope to start again soon, and remember what reading for pleasure is like again.  So if I post about the latest book I’ve picked up, please congratulate me.  I model, which is something that both excites and terrifies me.  I’m shy and self-conscious at times.  Who isn’t? But I also love to be creative.  I love being a blank canvas.  I love transforming into someone I am not or something that I would like to be.  I love working with other artists – hair and makeup artists, stylists, and photographers.  Working as a model is a constant battle between the bitch inside me who says I’m not good enough, and the part of me that loves the work and knows that I can do whatever I set my mind to.  I’ll likely share the struggles and the successes with you.  I received a Bachelor’s Degree in Sociology and a Master’s Degree in Community Leadership from Westminster College, a small liberal arts school in Salt Lake City.  I chose to pursue my degrees because I care about what’s happening in the world and in my community.  I’m not saying I’m gonna go all political on your ass every week, but I’ll share what I’m thinking if I feel particularly passionate about something.  I listen to music of all kinds.  I love to exercise and go to the gym religiously.  It’s therapeutic for me.  I see it as an opportunity to quiet my mind and let my body take the reigns for a bit.  I am a die-hard San Francisco 49ers fan. I’m a total Anglophile – OBSESSED with all things British.   And the list of potential topics goes on….

Really, what I plan to write about is my life, what it is, what I want it to be, and how I plan to get there.  I can’t say what will inspire me, but I do know that I see little Audreams in my life everyday in a variety of places and things.   This is where I plan to keep them.  You are who I plan to share them with.  This is me taking a giant leap into who knows what.  This is me tossing aside the fear for a moment and letting go.

Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman well ahead of her time as my mother likes to say, said that you should do something that scares you each and every day.  So here it goes Mrs. Roosevelt.  I'm scared shitless.

Much love, thanks for reading, and as always....